Monday, 12 March 2012

Dark Times

She could hear her own sobs echo about the cave walls; reverberating grief that could only hint at the misery she felt inside. She did not know how long she had sat there alone and crumpled in a dark corner, her face buried in her hands. She barely remembered returning there at all though the fresh blood on her hands told her she had made yet another desperate detour. She found it ironic that it had come to feel like home so quickly, inviting and welcoming after her doubts and misgivings and yet already it was as vacant as anywhere else. Even if it had been teaming with people still it would not have been the same, not without him.

It had been three days since she had seen him last, yet he had looked upon her as a stranger, seemingly anxious and perhaps disappointed to discover what she was. He may have been told what she had been to him, the bond and love that they shared yet no memory had it provoked. When she had staggered down the hill needing him more than perhaps she had ever done, she had seen the blank look as he failed to recognise her and even then a passing regret in his eyes as he had kept his distance, judging her for the pale and blood tainted creature she had appeared to him in that moment.

The memory of that look tore at her heart, as if a wall of glass had come up between them, allowing her only to look upon all that had been hers and all that she longed for still. When he had found her by the rocks, waves crashing about her though she paid little heed, she had felt a moment of hope, seen perhaps just a glimmer of familiarity in his elven blue eyes yet now she feared the worst, that time had given him time to think, time to decide that any past life was not for him. For no word or goodbye had he left and certainly no run to sweep her into his arms as he had always had done, the love he had born for her reignited and remembered. She could only determine that he had fled in disgust at what she was. She knew how he felt about her kind and perhaps Trendor and Eoin, even Alexander had been right, it was all doomed from the start.

The realisation felt like the end of the world and she stared ahead, her cheeks stained with tears that never ceased but nothing she saw, only emptiness. Still that creeping feeling began to stir once more within her, that drive for blood, a demanding, craving, unrelenting desire that twisted her soul and drove her from her own mind. She looked down at her hands, shaking and crimson-stained she heard a choke of despair catch in her throat “Why is this happening to me?!” she screamed into the empty cave but there was no answer.

Years it had taken her to master her thirst, claw her way to a civilised respect of both herself and others that had accomplished the same. Yet five days was all it had taken for it to come tumbling down. For now she could not go more than a few hours without unquenchable instinct driving her onwards. Even locking herself in the port cells had done no good, she had felt her mind slipping as she sat slumped in the eerie darkness and in the end she had to leave. It was that or lose herself and for all her frailties the desire for life, even the gifted half life she cradled, was simply too strong to resist.

His face fluttered into her mind, where once it had been a comfort in such desperate times, now it was but an arrow through her soul. Always he had been there for her through dark times, for both of them suffered much in their time together. But forever did she think they would be the others comfort, confidant and guardian. With him by her side she had felt she could face anything, even told him so and she remembered him smiling and told her he felt the same way.

She wrung her fingers together, she wished she could be strong, believe that everything would be alright, be positive as she somehow managed to be for other people....yet without him, knowing he may never look at her the same way, hold her, kiss her, tell her he loved was just impossible. The surge of bloodlust crashed another wave over her and she hugged herself tightly, pulling her knees against her chest. She wondered where everyone else was, the cave had been quiet and empty for many hours now and she could feel the sun setting outside. She wondered where he had run to, wondered what he was doing at that very moment. And despite everything she found she hoped that he was happy, for it was all she ever wanted for him if she could not be with him as she slipped into her own dark oblivion.

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