Monday, 12 March 2012

The Letter

My Dearest Blaze,

For too long I have meant to write this letter. Too long have I hovered, quill over parchment trying to find the words. It is near impossible to convey to you the many feelings trapped within these fingers, itching to be released. I fear that once I start I shall not stop. Years of confusion, hurt and regret shall rain down upon this page, each ink-carved word deep with meaning. Each angry blot a hint at the many tears I have cried. And I am not one to cry. So simple and straightforward is probably best.

My name is Celeste and I am your mother. I know not what the family has told you of me. You are still in the youth of your time as I write this, as I count your age to the very hour. Perhaps they have told you I am dead. In the past I would have thought that best but I remain a selfish soul and cannot continue along life’s never ending path filled with such emptiness.

I have never really been one for words. I have always been one for action. But all these years my conscious has stayed my ambition to find you again. My one consoling thought is that you were taken to the heart of our family. For yes I am too of your family and a royal member at that. I suppose they have not told you that either. I often wonder if they gave you another mother or if they raised you as an orphan. My sources tell me you are to be honoured with my position at your coming of age and that comforts me a little knowing that my daughter is held in high regard. It seems my once beloved Queen has chosen not to punish you for my own betrayal.

You may wonder why I am absent from your life and indeed despise me for being so. But things are more complicated than they may first appear. I turned my back on my family and my heritage. My loyalties were banished in the blink of an eye as I followed my corrupted heart instead of my purpose. It is also down to me that you have never known your father, great man though he was. I abused his trust and vanquished his life in a desperate bid to serve my own selfish ambitions.

I have many regrets, most of which will haunt me for the rest of time. But none is as great as losing you, my beloved daughter. For indeed I do love you and have done so since the moment I held you first in my arms. Both you and your sister. Now I do hope that this will come as a surprise to you as I have been so careful to shield her from those that would claim her too for their own, just as you were.

You may ask yourself why I chose to reach out to you now. Believe me I have tried before. But you have clearly been well protected. And in truth I would not wish it any other way as you are most precious. But there is more reason than ever for my contact now and the power of gold and the threat of a well placed blade will have served my interests well should this letter reach your hand. And if you will grant me just a few lines more I will try to offer explanation for this tangled mess of hidden lies and half truths.

The birth of twins should be a most joyous occasion, especially for us Vampires, a truly magnificent gift. And to me and your father you did indeed bring great joy, but it was short-lived and tarnished by the inevitability of our race and its customs. For you see, your father was a human and one particularly despised by my superiors. I had been ordered to bring him before our Queen for questioning but instead he captured my heart and in my passion for him I turned my back on my kin. You and your sister were the result of that passion.

Fearing retribution I went to my Queen to beg forgiveness and plead for my place once again at her side. Always well informed she had learnt of my pregnancy and demanded ownership of the child to rear in my place. I was to make my choice, leave the human and return to my house with my child or follow my heart and be outcast forever. I thank the stars that she knew only of one child and kept her believing so.

I was given a day to make my choice and so returning to your father I was racked with indecision. Did I dare to defy my family for a human and potentially lose my children or was I to give him up and live a life of resentment and regret. As I neared him a dark thought entered my desperate mind, one that may help avoid such a decision.

I do not wish to repeat the horror that followed as it haunts my waking days and sleepless nights. Suffice to say I failed in my quest and your father lay dead. In sheer panic I ran, fearful now of both the villagers of Skaersjborg for slaying their own and from my own family and their wish to reclaim their blood.

I fled to the forest, chased deep into the night. My heritage has granted me great strength but yet even I began to falter in weakness with a cargo of two infants and a heavy sword. With the flickering torch-lights of my pursuers drawing ever closer I was forced to make an even harder decision but the only one available to me in my desperation. I looked down on the two of you, tiny and innocent and had to choose between you. The Queen knew of but one child and so one child I would leave for them to find. As you have guessed it was you whom I left in the forest that night. You were so calm and quiet, almost as if you had accepted your fate. I knew you would be well cared for but that did not prevent my despair. Filled with remorse I made my final decision regarding your care.

I left you my dagger so that you may be close to me somehow through your growing years and a parchment with your name. Your father and I had spent many merry evenings in debate over your naming but had been unable to agree. With the sudden clarity that desperation can bring I named you and your sister in the wake of the crackling flames that had been released to burden me further. Blaze for the orange glow that drifted hazily on the horizon as I took you in my arms for the last time. And Cinder for the ashes of the life I had left behind.

I managed to escape to the wilds and your sister remained in my care for many years. But as she aged in both beauty and wisdom she became obsessed with her past, which I had always kept hidden. I promised that when she came of age I would confide in her our story and when that day came I kept my word and told her as I have now disclosed to you.

And now, to the reason I write this day. Your sister was most angered by my confession. A great jealousy arose in her that she had been passed over in favour of her twin. To you that may sound absurd as you were the one I abandoned. But in her eyes she saw that you had been granted a new life of honour and privilege in the royal palace whilst she had been forced into hiding and a solitary life of struggle.

And so she left with a determined bitterness to seek you once again and I fear for you as I do not know her intentions. I realise I have little authority to order you now my daughter but for your own safety beware of your reflection as you take up my place at court.

I do not wish to cause you further anguish so I do not beg for your audience. Should you someday wish to find me then look to the wilderness of the Skaersjborg ice planes. For sadly now only the dragons offer me any form of sanctuary.

With much love and regret,


No comments:

Post a Comment