“It’s too late...”
...she heard herself whisper, voice barely audible. She had tried to smile at him, show him she was not afraid but she was...so afraid, terrified of what would become of her and what she would lose. The crushing pain of bereavement hung before her faded silver eyes, grief for that bond, that connection, the reason that for almost a year her heart had beat more strong that it had in over a century. And now ironically it beat frantically as if holding on in panic, a burst of energy soon to be fruitless as if holding on just for this moment, to have her family together again, to have him there for her last breath. Despite the weight of despair her thumb caressed loosely over the back of her daughters hand though her eyes gazed up into his swollen desperate pupils, noting his tear stricken ashen skin she loved to touch, made her want to reach out and trace those elven inked markings one last time.
~~~
“Just hold me...”
Heart pausing before its last beat Blaze closed her eyes, the magical darkness in them faded but so too the blue life of her human side, leaving only silvery white pupils to disappear behind pale cold eyelids. Darkness rushed up before her, a shadowy world yet one she knew. Usually feelings of great wonder and anticipation accompanied dwelling within this place; the safer recess of her mind, beautiful sanctuary waiting just through that silken curtain. Searching desperately in all directions she finally caught sight of it, whipping about as if caught in a violent gust of air. She could feel the storm brewing on the other side, dark tempest raging. Gathering her white shimmering skirts she tore in its direction, bare footsteps driving her forward in desperation for she could feel he was here, somewhere still and she had to find him, stop him from leaving, beg him to stay...
She skidded into the marble corridor, the inner sanctum of her memory where all things never to be forgotten were kept safe, each of them captured on canvas and painted by her own hand, his face graced every single one. But no longer was it bright and vivid, awash with colour and joy, rain poured from unseen clouds coating the floor beneath her feet and running down the walls which loomed down over her, closing in, the thousands of paintings that adorned them leering down at her, reminding her of all she was about to lose, all those precious moments, each careful brushstroke streaking angrily with salty water as if the very gods wept down from a stormy sky.
Grief gripped her and she spun in circles, instinct to reach for them all, keep them safe and dry, determined that no one could take them away but as her eyes flickered over all those tarnished beautiful scenes she realised it was too late for them, she had to find him, and start making them all over again. Splashing through the rising water she turned and ran back through the curtain, breaking with a gasp out into the open air. Sodden rolling hills rose to meet her, dark silhouettes of trees framed the horizon, but each being twisted and torn by the grip of an icy wind that swept and howled its way down from the mountains in the distance. The fireflies had long gone, their pretty warm lights missing, no longer arcing in a tranquil twilight sky, casting a heavenly glow over their naked skin as they made love without worry or care for anyone but each other. In their place darkened leaves swirled as they were torn from their branches, caught in the whip of wind that snatching at her hair, tangling it painfully as she picked up speed and pressed on feeling as if tried to hold her back. But she would tear away; rip her hair from the roots if she had to. “Alastair!” she screamed, voice barely audible “Alastair!” she knew he was here, could still feel his presence, feel that bond though it was fading fast, slipping through her fingers no matter how tightly she held on.
~~~
"What's wrong?" she whispered sounded concerned yet breathless. They had sat close together; he pulled into his lap as he took up her pale and slender wrist between his fingers, drawing it to his lips, that intimate sensation, meant much to a vampire with twisted desires of taking blood from such a kiss. Yet she opened her eyes, now dark and full of desire, sensing some reluctance in him, some anxiety.
Alastair looked at her with an intense edge, the sort of edge that was present when he was pissed off or trained on prey, focused instinct. And then worried and pained...filled with desire... a mix of emotions in there. "Your reactions...your vampire side...stirring at my lycan" he explained with an equal breathless and fighting back tone. "I don’t want to harm you" he confessed sort of bitterly toward himself but he also didn’t want to let it get in the way. There was a desire to let it out, let it do what it wanted, he wished it badly and he didn’t trust himself; he’d harmed her before, even if nothing deadly. He pulled her then tighter into his lap so she'd be facing him, chest to chest and he moved for her other arm anyway, bringing her wrist to his lips once more as if he craved to make her succumb again, make her submit to his will...tender caresses and hot breath...how could she resist...
"I know you would never wish to hurt me...and it's the same for me, even if sometimes there is a thrill to distract us. We are both complex creatures, natural enemies...it follows I suppose that we ought to be both intrigued and wary of each other’s darker sides" she remarked "But aside from all those wonderings, I feel closer to you now than ever..." she smiled "We've been through a lot, you and I, yet I still feel the magic, as if it were the beginning”
~~~
"It bleeds slowly but constant...it's like these last few weeks my body can't cope. I have so much desire to be strong, all the will in the world and the ability I know, in spirit and determination, but I feel my body is failing...as if my human strength is draining away, as fast as the vampire side tries to keep up it just cannot cope" she gave a tired sigh looking back to him "I led a city once...I know I am strong in will...but now I am just another burden upon your shoulders, however much you love me and understand." She moved to lay back close to him "There must be something wrong, ever since the under dark, I have felt weaker...before that I was doing so well, really was starting to feel my own energy, my own sense of determination, like a fire to be successful in all we endeavoured...I'm scared Alastair" she admitted, looking up to him sadly "I look in the mirror and I look so pale, as fast as I can take blood it drains away any energy provided before I can embrace it. The three I slaughtered should have kept me strong for many days, yet only gave me energy enough to get home and I think that was more the sheer desperation to get back to you" she shivered slightly, more from unease than the chill she felt "I'm afraid that my human side is fading, for some reason it is draining away with each day and each new set of wounds...you speak of shedding your lycan side, but what if I was to lose my human side? What if that side of me died? I am told it is possible...what would become of me? Of us?" she asked desperately
Alastair felt his heart race a bit faster from the very idea of one half of her dying, that scared him deeply but he didn’t wish to show it outwardly too much past usual concern, he didn’t want his fears make hers worse. He didn’t want to think about it, instinct told him it would be like having her die completely, for he knew his bond was to the human within, it tempered the lycan within him, helped him to love her and get past her vampyric nature to a point that he was comfortable with it and it let him into her mind in such a way it would be impossible if she didn’t have it. "We have to try something!”
~~~
“Alastair!” she screamed again, fighting against that still raging storm, she could see its centre overhead in the angry darkened sky, black clouds swirling and thunder clapping like a clock striking her doom. Lightning crackled purple in the sky, jagged amethyst bolts firing from dark holes to strike just beyond the rise of ground that she fled towards. They lit the way to him, pointed to their final meeting as there she found him, standing down by the waters-edge, staring out across the expanse of the ice planes where she had found him so many times before. But as he turned he did not greet her with smile this time.
Her dress was ripped and sodden, covered in mud and leaves, hanging in shreds over her snowy distraught form, stained with the blood of her unhealing wounds, bandages unravelled and flying behind her in the breeze. With trembling fingertips she approached him, reaching out to touch at his chest, heavily cloaked and hooded he towered over her, gazing down with cold and sorrowful eyes, no glow to his skin despite the moon high in the blackened sky, watching over the scene with seeming remorse.
“Don’t leave me...” she sobbed trying to take hold of him, wanted his embrace more than she ever had. He reached for her hands, his own gloved as if he could no longer bare to touch her skin on skin, their gifts never again something to share and rejoice in. Taking them firmly he pressed them to her sides and let go “It’s too late...” he said, unaware it was her own voice speaking such admittance back in the healers compound. His voice was pained yet stubborn as she knew he could be and she could see his eyes held that dangerous sheen, an intense flicker of his hidden strength and rage. “I’m still me...I’m still me...can’t you love me still?” she whispered, chest heaving with desperation but he lowered his head, gestured to the icy water beside their feet.
Following his gaze she gasped in horror for staring back at her was no image she recognised. Warm human glow had faded leaving her skin deathly white, near translucent it made her appear hollow and corpse like, angry dark circles beneath harsh silvery eyes added to the effect. Her lips twisted with a grimace, tips of her fangs more prominent somehow, despair in her expression yet a brooding and benevolent intent glazed over her pupils. “No...No! NO!” she cried falling to her knees, reaching down her deathly fingers grasped at the water, not feeling the cold at all, swirling violently to distort that grotesque image, but it soon stared back as the ripples settled, showing a glistening tear rolling down her cheek yet somehow it only made her more ugly.
She barely felt his light touch at her shoulder as he hovered for only a moment before head lowered he turned and walked away, his figure soon disappearing into the swirl of snow and ice as the tempest turned to coat all in white, hide all they had known here before. “No! Please! Come back... Týr...please...I can’t exist like this...I’m nothing without you...come back...” she cried after him but her voice was lost on the wind and he was gone and she felt herself die inside as well as out, left with the shell of an undead body and despised existence. “I can’t...” she sobbed into her knees, now numb to near everything but the call of blood, could feel it rising in her like a wave, a tide of red soon to turn over all, intending to drown herself into oblivion. Shaking she brought her wrists to her lips, intending to bite down hard upon them, to spill it all, watch as the snow turned crimson about her, a red dot on a white horizon as her crumpled body lay still and lifeless awaiting a coma she never intended to wake from. The snow could continue to fall forever, bury her body and erase her from memory.
~~~
"I'm here now...where I belong. Nothing can keep me from you, not really..." she had mumbled against his neck "...nothing. I cannot be without you"
"You are my everything. I didn’t think I would function much longer without you" he confessed in a partly whispered breath. "If you died, I would die to"
~~~
Her world had grown beyond cold, she had never felt so alone and yet something inside her seemed to defy her worst fears, as if by some mere thread that bond still hung on, believing so only because her mind could not finally let go, could not quite bite down against that pale wrist and end it all for good. She sat heaving for breath between uncontrollable sobs, arms laid outstretched before her, waiting for one final moment of pain though she doubted she would even feel it. Yet somewhere in her mind connected back in that bedroom, so confused at what was real and what was imagined within the fears of her subconscious, assuming her time had come and she lay there as good as dead in his arms...but not quite...
~~~
“It’s too late...”
Alastair was known for riling up easily especially under stress and this was as stressful as it could get, waiting to hear if Blaze wanted the lycan taint, unsure if she was falling, unresponsive, he really didn’t want to decide alone for her, but he was selfish enough to do it just to keep her with him forever even if she hated the life he may grant her. But when she said it was too late he felt his heart skip a beat. He was thinking on his feet, spur of the moment, desperation driving him. He instinctively phased as he felt their bond fading, a bond he could not live without and quickly would be up on the bed, a looming black furred creature, he pulled her right from the sheets and toward him and clamped his teeth over her better shoulder- but this time he focused on pumping as much saliva into the wounds, breathing heavily at the taste, too vampire smelling already driving at his senses to rip her apart but he couldn’t had to hold off and gripped her firm encase that creature decided to lash out, pumping more saliva so it rolled off his teeth and down her chest with crimson...
Pale and tear stained Blaze turned her despairing gaze back towards her marble hall, likely now flooded and destroyed of all her best memories, for she did not need them where she was going...for there was only nothingness for her now. But there upon the horizon she saw a shape, unclear at first...yet as it came closer she made out a looming black shape bursting fast through the swirling snow. Perhaps death really has come for me, she inwardly mused and stayed perfectly still for she had no fight in her without him, he was always her strength. Yet it was not death but a new form of life as finally she recognised Alastair’s lycan form bounding down the hillside towards her with near snarling determination. She watched with a detached fascination, for so long now unafraid of him, recalling always the tender moments with him over their catalogue of past violent ones in this form. She reached her arms to him both there in the snow and back on the bed as he gathered her up forcefully, intent on having one last final embrace with him before she fell to darkness and he discarded her for a monster he could no longer face to touch unless to hunt. As his teeth sunk into her she smiled hazily, blood had become so special to them that she did not scream or cry out just held onto him tightly, never wanting to let go...taking her last breath, the last breath that was to bring her to life.
...she heard herself whisper, voice barely audible. She had tried to smile at him, show him she was not afraid but she was...so afraid, terrified of what would become of her and what she would lose. The crushing pain of bereavement hung before her faded silver eyes, grief for that bond, that connection, the reason that for almost a year her heart had beat more strong that it had in over a century. And now ironically it beat frantically as if holding on in panic, a burst of energy soon to be fruitless as if holding on just for this moment, to have her family together again, to have him there for her last breath. Despite the weight of despair her thumb caressed loosely over the back of her daughters hand though her eyes gazed up into his swollen desperate pupils, noting his tear stricken ashen skin she loved to touch, made her want to reach out and trace those elven inked markings one last time.
~~~
“Just hold me...”
Heart pausing before its last beat Blaze closed her eyes, the magical darkness in them faded but so too the blue life of her human side, leaving only silvery white pupils to disappear behind pale cold eyelids. Darkness rushed up before her, a shadowy world yet one she knew. Usually feelings of great wonder and anticipation accompanied dwelling within this place; the safer recess of her mind, beautiful sanctuary waiting just through that silken curtain. Searching desperately in all directions she finally caught sight of it, whipping about as if caught in a violent gust of air. She could feel the storm brewing on the other side, dark tempest raging. Gathering her white shimmering skirts she tore in its direction, bare footsteps driving her forward in desperation for she could feel he was here, somewhere still and she had to find him, stop him from leaving, beg him to stay...
She skidded into the marble corridor, the inner sanctum of her memory where all things never to be forgotten were kept safe, each of them captured on canvas and painted by her own hand, his face graced every single one. But no longer was it bright and vivid, awash with colour and joy, rain poured from unseen clouds coating the floor beneath her feet and running down the walls which loomed down over her, closing in, the thousands of paintings that adorned them leering down at her, reminding her of all she was about to lose, all those precious moments, each careful brushstroke streaking angrily with salty water as if the very gods wept down from a stormy sky.
Grief gripped her and she spun in circles, instinct to reach for them all, keep them safe and dry, determined that no one could take them away but as her eyes flickered over all those tarnished beautiful scenes she realised it was too late for them, she had to find him, and start making them all over again. Splashing through the rising water she turned and ran back through the curtain, breaking with a gasp out into the open air. Sodden rolling hills rose to meet her, dark silhouettes of trees framed the horizon, but each being twisted and torn by the grip of an icy wind that swept and howled its way down from the mountains in the distance. The fireflies had long gone, their pretty warm lights missing, no longer arcing in a tranquil twilight sky, casting a heavenly glow over their naked skin as they made love without worry or care for anyone but each other. In their place darkened leaves swirled as they were torn from their branches, caught in the whip of wind that snatching at her hair, tangling it painfully as she picked up speed and pressed on feeling as if tried to hold her back. But she would tear away; rip her hair from the roots if she had to. “Alastair!” she screamed, voice barely audible “Alastair!” she knew he was here, could still feel his presence, feel that bond though it was fading fast, slipping through her fingers no matter how tightly she held on.
~~~
"What's wrong?" she whispered sounded concerned yet breathless. They had sat close together; he pulled into his lap as he took up her pale and slender wrist between his fingers, drawing it to his lips, that intimate sensation, meant much to a vampire with twisted desires of taking blood from such a kiss. Yet she opened her eyes, now dark and full of desire, sensing some reluctance in him, some anxiety.
Alastair looked at her with an intense edge, the sort of edge that was present when he was pissed off or trained on prey, focused instinct. And then worried and pained...filled with desire... a mix of emotions in there. "Your reactions...your vampire side...stirring at my lycan" he explained with an equal breathless and fighting back tone. "I don’t want to harm you" he confessed sort of bitterly toward himself but he also didn’t want to let it get in the way. There was a desire to let it out, let it do what it wanted, he wished it badly and he didn’t trust himself; he’d harmed her before, even if nothing deadly. He pulled her then tighter into his lap so she'd be facing him, chest to chest and he moved for her other arm anyway, bringing her wrist to his lips once more as if he craved to make her succumb again, make her submit to his will...tender caresses and hot breath...how could she resist...
"I know you would never wish to hurt me...and it's the same for me, even if sometimes there is a thrill to distract us. We are both complex creatures, natural enemies...it follows I suppose that we ought to be both intrigued and wary of each other’s darker sides" she remarked "But aside from all those wonderings, I feel closer to you now than ever..." she smiled "We've been through a lot, you and I, yet I still feel the magic, as if it were the beginning”
~~~
"It bleeds slowly but constant...it's like these last few weeks my body can't cope. I have so much desire to be strong, all the will in the world and the ability I know, in spirit and determination, but I feel my body is failing...as if my human strength is draining away, as fast as the vampire side tries to keep up it just cannot cope" she gave a tired sigh looking back to him "I led a city once...I know I am strong in will...but now I am just another burden upon your shoulders, however much you love me and understand." She moved to lay back close to him "There must be something wrong, ever since the under dark, I have felt weaker...before that I was doing so well, really was starting to feel my own energy, my own sense of determination, like a fire to be successful in all we endeavoured...I'm scared Alastair" she admitted, looking up to him sadly "I look in the mirror and I look so pale, as fast as I can take blood it drains away any energy provided before I can embrace it. The three I slaughtered should have kept me strong for many days, yet only gave me energy enough to get home and I think that was more the sheer desperation to get back to you" she shivered slightly, more from unease than the chill she felt "I'm afraid that my human side is fading, for some reason it is draining away with each day and each new set of wounds...you speak of shedding your lycan side, but what if I was to lose my human side? What if that side of me died? I am told it is possible...what would become of me? Of us?" she asked desperately
Alastair felt his heart race a bit faster from the very idea of one half of her dying, that scared him deeply but he didn’t wish to show it outwardly too much past usual concern, he didn’t want his fears make hers worse. He didn’t want to think about it, instinct told him it would be like having her die completely, for he knew his bond was to the human within, it tempered the lycan within him, helped him to love her and get past her vampyric nature to a point that he was comfortable with it and it let him into her mind in such a way it would be impossible if she didn’t have it. "We have to try something!”
~~~
“Alastair!” she screamed again, fighting against that still raging storm, she could see its centre overhead in the angry darkened sky, black clouds swirling and thunder clapping like a clock striking her doom. Lightning crackled purple in the sky, jagged amethyst bolts firing from dark holes to strike just beyond the rise of ground that she fled towards. They lit the way to him, pointed to their final meeting as there she found him, standing down by the waters-edge, staring out across the expanse of the ice planes where she had found him so many times before. But as he turned he did not greet her with smile this time.
Her dress was ripped and sodden, covered in mud and leaves, hanging in shreds over her snowy distraught form, stained with the blood of her unhealing wounds, bandages unravelled and flying behind her in the breeze. With trembling fingertips she approached him, reaching out to touch at his chest, heavily cloaked and hooded he towered over her, gazing down with cold and sorrowful eyes, no glow to his skin despite the moon high in the blackened sky, watching over the scene with seeming remorse.
“Don’t leave me...” she sobbed trying to take hold of him, wanted his embrace more than she ever had. He reached for her hands, his own gloved as if he could no longer bare to touch her skin on skin, their gifts never again something to share and rejoice in. Taking them firmly he pressed them to her sides and let go “It’s too late...” he said, unaware it was her own voice speaking such admittance back in the healers compound. His voice was pained yet stubborn as she knew he could be and she could see his eyes held that dangerous sheen, an intense flicker of his hidden strength and rage. “I’m still me...I’m still me...can’t you love me still?” she whispered, chest heaving with desperation but he lowered his head, gestured to the icy water beside their feet.
Following his gaze she gasped in horror for staring back at her was no image she recognised. Warm human glow had faded leaving her skin deathly white, near translucent it made her appear hollow and corpse like, angry dark circles beneath harsh silvery eyes added to the effect. Her lips twisted with a grimace, tips of her fangs more prominent somehow, despair in her expression yet a brooding and benevolent intent glazed over her pupils. “No...No! NO!” she cried falling to her knees, reaching down her deathly fingers grasped at the water, not feeling the cold at all, swirling violently to distort that grotesque image, but it soon stared back as the ripples settled, showing a glistening tear rolling down her cheek yet somehow it only made her more ugly.
She barely felt his light touch at her shoulder as he hovered for only a moment before head lowered he turned and walked away, his figure soon disappearing into the swirl of snow and ice as the tempest turned to coat all in white, hide all they had known here before. “No! Please! Come back... Týr...please...I can’t exist like this...I’m nothing without you...come back...” she cried after him but her voice was lost on the wind and he was gone and she felt herself die inside as well as out, left with the shell of an undead body and despised existence. “I can’t...” she sobbed into her knees, now numb to near everything but the call of blood, could feel it rising in her like a wave, a tide of red soon to turn over all, intending to drown herself into oblivion. Shaking she brought her wrists to her lips, intending to bite down hard upon them, to spill it all, watch as the snow turned crimson about her, a red dot on a white horizon as her crumpled body lay still and lifeless awaiting a coma she never intended to wake from. The snow could continue to fall forever, bury her body and erase her from memory.
~~~
"I'm here now...where I belong. Nothing can keep me from you, not really..." she had mumbled against his neck "...nothing. I cannot be without you"
"You are my everything. I didn’t think I would function much longer without you" he confessed in a partly whispered breath. "If you died, I would die to"
~~~
Her world had grown beyond cold, she had never felt so alone and yet something inside her seemed to defy her worst fears, as if by some mere thread that bond still hung on, believing so only because her mind could not finally let go, could not quite bite down against that pale wrist and end it all for good. She sat heaving for breath between uncontrollable sobs, arms laid outstretched before her, waiting for one final moment of pain though she doubted she would even feel it. Yet somewhere in her mind connected back in that bedroom, so confused at what was real and what was imagined within the fears of her subconscious, assuming her time had come and she lay there as good as dead in his arms...but not quite...
~~~
“It’s too late...”
Alastair was known for riling up easily especially under stress and this was as stressful as it could get, waiting to hear if Blaze wanted the lycan taint, unsure if she was falling, unresponsive, he really didn’t want to decide alone for her, but he was selfish enough to do it just to keep her with him forever even if she hated the life he may grant her. But when she said it was too late he felt his heart skip a beat. He was thinking on his feet, spur of the moment, desperation driving him. He instinctively phased as he felt their bond fading, a bond he could not live without and quickly would be up on the bed, a looming black furred creature, he pulled her right from the sheets and toward him and clamped his teeth over her better shoulder- but this time he focused on pumping as much saliva into the wounds, breathing heavily at the taste, too vampire smelling already driving at his senses to rip her apart but he couldn’t had to hold off and gripped her firm encase that creature decided to lash out, pumping more saliva so it rolled off his teeth and down her chest with crimson...
Pale and tear stained Blaze turned her despairing gaze back towards her marble hall, likely now flooded and destroyed of all her best memories, for she did not need them where she was going...for there was only nothingness for her now. But there upon the horizon she saw a shape, unclear at first...yet as it came closer she made out a looming black shape bursting fast through the swirling snow. Perhaps death really has come for me, she inwardly mused and stayed perfectly still for she had no fight in her without him, he was always her strength. Yet it was not death but a new form of life as finally she recognised Alastair’s lycan form bounding down the hillside towards her with near snarling determination. She watched with a detached fascination, for so long now unafraid of him, recalling always the tender moments with him over their catalogue of past violent ones in this form. She reached her arms to him both there in the snow and back on the bed as he gathered her up forcefully, intent on having one last final embrace with him before she fell to darkness and he discarded her for a monster he could no longer face to touch unless to hunt. As his teeth sunk into her she smiled hazily, blood had become so special to them that she did not scream or cry out just held onto him tightly, never wanting to let go...taking her last breath, the last breath that was to bring her to life.
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