Monday, 12 March 2012

The Weight of a Cursed Life

Blaze traced the winding trail through the wilds heading in direction of the port, on lookout for Alastair, couldn’t help worrying about him more so now he was without use of both eyes. As she neared the entrance to the old crypt she noticed that the entrance was open a little, a glimpse of shadow within. It did not strike her as all that odd at first, she was sure plenty of outlaws and other lowly sorts used it for various means. Still as she passed level a sudden change in the atmosphere made her slow. Turning yet hesitant she stepped past and lightly up onto its rocky overhang, directing her senses to making sense of that sudden uneasy feeling.

Sveta swallowed hard, keeping the entrance open, but staying in the shadow. She didn't want to get burned again, and was always wary of attackers these days. "Is anyone there?!" she shouted now, ready to try shut the cave as fast as possible if it becomes necessary, almost shivering in anxiety.

Blaze hesitated, something about the voice was familiar yet she was not certain. She crouched down on one knee, listening carefully though more so for the distinct pulse that might tell her who spoke, if there was a pulse to pick up on

Sveta was trying to probe the surroundings with her mind, but the sun's calling to sleep was powerful, weakening her tremendously. Although trying to hide herself, too, a presence would be visible for anyone who searched, but as weak as one of a child's. "Anyone..." she mumbled softly, retreating a little further into the Crypts.

Blaze laid her hand on the stone, the voice sounded weak, vulnerable...young in a way...faint tremor reached her mind though did not quite seem....pure. Still she stood straight and walking a longer way around she leapt off the stone and came to face the entrance to the cave, noting the dark smear of blood, brow furrowed she squinted towards the shadow within, still silent.

Sveta felt something approach, but it wasn't answering. Her paranoia kicked in, making her think this was someone meaning her harm. "If you're here to harm me... go away..." she said softly, still in that weak voice, retreating a little further into the darkness of the cave.”I don't want to be hurt more..."

Blaze tried to realise who it was standing there in the shadows, could just about make out a shape but no more. "What makes you think I would hurt you" she said out loud, though very cautious, these last few weeks had proven you really could not trust anyone.

Sveta shouted now, her voice filled with grief and desperation. "Because everyone wants to hurt me! You all want me dead, but I just try my best to help. And still they want me dead!" she silenced herself quickly, taking another step into the darkness.

Blaze felt her palm tingle slightly, and she narrowed her eyes further "Sveta?" she guessed for who else could it be, though this made her far more wary, knowing now what she was...though on the other hand in Blaze's mind she was still new to this form of life, foolish for her choice in this matter, it made Blaze feel a little safer on one hand and yet all the more wary on the other

Sveta froze, finally recognizing the voice. "Blaze..." she mumbled, freezing up completely for a moment, her mind racing.”H-Have you come here to finish Alastair's work?" she asked, one hand trailing down half her face which was still healing from the injuries.

Blaze gave an irritated snort "I'd be well within my rights to...after what you did...and tried...making out you wanted to help me, when all along you wanted ticket to a cursed life....well welcome to the shadows Sveta...I hope you know what you have let yourself in for!" she said stubbornly

Sveta kept quiet for a moment, before stepping forwards, out of the cave. The sun had left, she was safe. From that danger, at least. Blaze would be able to see her face now, half charred as it was. "You think I wanted this?" she asked softly, her voice very genuine in her surprise. "I was tricked into this. And then thrown out. I didn't know what to do." she shrugged lightly. "Then I went to a cave to try stay there, to be safe. And Alastair came in, bashed me around, and dragged me into the sun... When he realized I was a Vampire, he made to kill me. Kain saved me."

Blaze would not be convinced so easily, used to nothing but lies and manipulation by others of her race...and unknown to Sveta still very deeply hurt and bitter about her own abandonment by the one she had sired, missing Eoin with an ache that always lingered and pained even if she had learnt to bury it away and no longer speak of it. "Alastair is a lycan....he discovers you have become a vampire, and one that has caused us both harm...what did you expect?" she asked trying to sound uncaring, yet there was a trace of pity there

Sveta tried to smile, but just winced, the burned side of her face stiff and painful. "Not this... I never expected this..." she mumbled, touching her own cheek softly, wincing again. "I tried to help. I've told you that. I can keep on saying it every day. And it will never lose its truth." she swallowed hard now, something she found quite difficult to do lately. "I don't know what I'm doing." she finally admitted, opening her mouth to show her two fangs, fully extended, her speech now slurred. "I don't... I feel so much hunger, and force myself away from people. Every time I see someone, something, with blood, I suddenly get hungry. I feel strange in my head. I don't know what I'm doing." this was hard for her to admit, her pride in the way.

Blaze folded her arms over her chest, though had to glance away at sight of her face, and as much as she thought she did not deserve that, still went to show the extreme cursed life she was now tied to. "You say you were" she asked, kind of demanding. Was very much Blaze's nature to be sympathetic to such a thing, human weaknesses making her more forgiving than Alastair, yet he had told her she had to toughen up, and with everything that had happened recently, with Zardra, Sveta and most of all Kain and even Alastair himself...she knew she had to start making changes and bring out that darker side of her own, just to keep her safe

Sveta shivered at Blaze's tone, feeling a sudden urge to hiss at her, but forced it down. "Nethya... Forced me on to an altar. Did a ritual on me... Killed me. Then made me this." she made a gesture over her body with her hands, again trying to smile but wincing once more. "I didn't know what was happening..."

Blaze looked shocked, not what she had suspected "Nethya....made you one of the undead?" she did not think that possible, though being with the dark arts perhaps the drow held even worse powers Blaze ought to be wary of "so this was not a way to avoid the wrath of your kin? Your own destruction?"

Sveta shook her head. "No. I had thought of my own way to get rid of my Kin. It was nothing this... extreme." she was oblivious to Blaze's shock, too busy gently probing her own burned cheek. With the little blood she had had, it'd still take half a day to a day to get rid of all the injuries.. But the hunger was beginning to get overwhelming..

Blaze sighed. She wanted to press her hand to her temples and shake all this resentment and confusion away, half of her drawn to walk away and leave her to her doom and the other half telling her she ought to be more understanding. She watched her closely, and for a moment she was reminded of Capri, the girl she and Alexander had once taken in, treated as their own, called her daughter...she had been young and had such life thrust on her also...yet in the end it made her more dangerous than good and Blaze, whether just or not, still felt the stinging emptiness and betrayal of her leaving....another piece of her heart used and then abandoned. "You know when the thirst becomes too will resort to dark learn how to hunt girl...many times have I relied on the creatures of the forest to stay sane" she said quietly, then looked at her intently "the more you rely on the likes of demons...the more control you shall end up a slave to your urges if you do not find way to balance them"

Sveta shrugged again, half turning to gesture towards the Crypts where she came from. "I'm staying in there. Hidden... I can't do this. I can't take the life of others. I'll die instead. Lock myself away. If it gets too much, I'll... find a way to end it faster." she seemed hesitant with her words, but was very genuine. She was just a scared girl right then.

Blaze gave a somewhat bitter laugh, but it trailed away "My own philosophy...yet in the end the call is too much and I am...different, unlike you I can walk in the sunlight, only to I feel its sting when can tell yourself you would rather die..." she paused on the word, as in way she already was "Yet when that craving kicks in...when you catch the scent of blood on the air...pick it out like a shark hones in...your will shall crumble and you will think of nothing but obtaining it for yourself..." she paced a little as she spoke, probably not what Sveta wanted to hear, but it was the truth and in ways was Blaze sharing her own suffering. She leant back against a smooth rock "The temptation of blood freely offered will become too shall become a pawn, a plaything...if you have not already" she said, dark eyes glittering "Kain's blood tastes well does it not?" she hushed rather sinisterly

Sveta now couldn't stop herself, hissing for a moment, fangs fully extended, before freezing, blinking in surprise. Shaking herself, she just looked at Blaze sharply. "It does." she simply said, trying to keep her voice emotionless. "But I'm no plaything. Otherwise... You do it." she stepped closer, raising her chin to expose her throat. "You do it, then. Finish me now."

Blaze looked at her sadly, yet there was an anger flickering in her pupils "I am not interested in finishing want to add last insult to injury already made upon me? Have you not listened? I have fought long and hard to try and find balance, and I still fight it every day!" she said in near growl "why should I strive to keep the worthless ungrateful humans safe from either of us? I would give anything not to be the murderer I do not dare to add more crime to my name!"

Sveta was shocked, taking a quick step back with one eye wide. The other one was closed by the injuries. "I'm sorry...” she quickly spluttered out, "I meant no insult. I don't want to cause more harm... I tried what you said. Animals... It didn't work. It didn't satiate my hunger at all..."

Blaze glared at her, but was much a self-despising as anything else, reminded all too well of what she was. "Satisfaction is short must forget about ever being full again, for your life will always be a famine...animals will keep you walking, that is the price, but if you seek gratification then it is humans or demons you must turn to...maybe you'll get lucky, maybe you'll find yourself a pet" she rambled "oh many men did I have desperate to spill their blood for me...." she said bitterly "But it all comes at a price...always at a price..."

Sveta was close to slapping Blaze, she seemed to have changed so much in so little time, almost as if watching all the stages of life and death appearing and departing in one conversation. Shaking her head slowly, she took another step back. "I'm all alone, Blaze. I've no-one. No. That is not true. I've got a bunch of people out to kill me for being what I am. That's what I am, who I am, now. If you're going to be bitter to me now, and want to glare at me... Then just kill me, and save us both the trouble."

Blaze pulled up to her full height and looked down on her, again a mixture of repulsion and pity, the way she often looked at herself in the mirror when alone. "Too weak to do it yourself?" she whispered "of course you are....even in death we still hold on to life with both hands..." she looked up to the sky as it started to grow light "I shall not kill you...I believe in preserving life, even in those I fear and mistrust. I suggest you find solace in your shadows and then look into your newly cursed heart and decide what you want...if it boils down to survival, blood and acceptance...then the keep is your calling...if not, well then you work hard to restrain your urges and you go prove to the humans that you can be amongst them, but do not expect it to be easy, they forget one hundred good deeds in the face of one mistake...I should know"

Sveta stayed exactly where she was, not retreating into the cave. The first few sun rays began to appearing, one of them on her neck, the skin beginning to turn red. "Mistrust me. Hate me. Let the others try killing me. And then find it odd so many turn to dark. I did my best to protect everyone, I tried to help, and this happens to me. I tried to help. I tried to-" she cut short as she hissed once, the burning getting more painful as more light appeared. "I tried to help. Wanted to help. Protected so many, got hurt so much. And yet you all shun me. Want me dead. I don't understand. I'm all alone, I'm confused, and all you..." she trailed off as the pain got more intense, but decided to stay out anyway.

Blaze sighed with irritation, deep down she felt her pain, but to be soft was to put herself in danger, let Sveta have the edge and Blaze so easily won over by those in need, to her peril in the past, was how she had become bonded to a demon she both feared and hated...and then another who’s grasp she could never seem to break away from. "There is little good feeling sorry for gets you nowhere" she argued "You think I am being harsh, a bitch? I say these things not to fill you with false hope...this life is hard, disgustingly hard but you cannot turn back" she made to literally pick her up and press her back into the safety of the shadows "I cannot watch you stand here and burn" she insisted

Sveta tried to resist, to push the woman away, but failed, being pushed into the shadows. "Let me out!" she nearly shrieked. She felt that urge again, to just try burn up in the sun. She had felt the same way before, when in the cave, but the calling had gotten to her, sending her asleep. Then Alastair had thrown her in the sun... "You don't want anything to do with me. Alastair wants me dead. Why not let me burn up?!" she demanded.

Blaze half carried half pushed her down the slope "I won't let you die before want to haunt my dreams for all eternity, make me more of a monster by letting you die?!" she shouted back at her, dropping her at the base of the slope in a heap and standing over her, ready to grab her again if she tried to run "If you had done this yourself...chosen this way then I would leave you to choose your own demise....but you have to understand....we are alike and yet not alike...I...." she looked like she might lash out in frustration "My human nature makes me makes me care...I don't want to but I do....for shame of it and I know now it will only come back to hurt always my not dare pull me down to the level of such a sinner in taking your own life and having me watch you do it!" she glared, eyes burning strangely with a flicker of blue depth

Sveta slowly got up, droning out the sound of the cave door grinding to a close by that bizarre magic again. She was already beginning to feel sleepy. "I was a Bretlengr. Our duty was to protect everyone. We can't let people die. But we're expendable... I care for all. But what does it matter. I'm all alone at the end, with so many trying to kill me." she looked to Blaze's eyes, not sure what to expect there. "I'm just who I am. I'm not evil; I don't have it in me. But people can't understand that."

Blaze looked up the slope as the stone rolled closed against it, the echo made her shudder, putting her further on edge. "Perhaps indeed....many are misunderstood" she breathed, scent of old blood and stagnant water drifting around her "but this makes us do evil things....I've spent years trying to be understood...the closest I have come to that I long for is Alastair but even with him there are many trials...just when we get back to our feet from one thing another comes to push us back. No one understands what it is to be cast in this half life and not fall naturally to its path...I created one...such as you, though was his wish, his longing as a human afraid of dying...and I turned him Sveta, I made him one of us and he came to hate himself, now I know not where he is or what he does...yet I know he lingers on, for in the end we have not the strength of will to end ourselves" she said voice coming softer. She hesitated and pulled up her sleeves, they were not easy to distinguish, yet if she looked closely she might see ragged faint pale scars criss crossing randomly over each wrist "This is how I cope" she murmured, suddenly seeming shameful "When all is too much I would rather hurt myself than another...much as you wish by throwing yourself out in the sun...but believe me, your instinct to survive would kick in long before you turned to powder and you would creep back here in the shadows, in an agony that only spites, does not balance out the guilt you feel...only further guilt for not being strong enough to see through your own end" she hid her scars and looked up "Sveta, I know you are not evil...and sadly few will understand that...but everything has changed now, you have to find a purpose and a way to forgive yourself all you hold in spite and try to find a path again"

Sveta shook her head slowly, taking a few steps to go deeper into the crypt. "No-one accepts me. I can't find a new path. My people often say we can find forgiveness in the afterlife. Duty is as heavy as a mountain, death as light as a feather. If I'm lucky, Alastair will find me in here again, sometime soon... And kill me. I'm known as a traitor, as evil, as death itself. I'm not that. Only yesterday I helped Sygnet after she got almost torn to shreds by some unknown assailant. I can't do this alone; Blaze, but I've got no choice but too. That's the existence I live."

Blaze could not help it; she let out a small sad laugh "You have so much to learn, yet wise for your years...and now they go on, stretch forward into really want to spend forever feeling sorry for yourself? I picked myself up...after...terrible things, terrible sins...the will is there, inside you, it remains from what you were not forget the person you were, she's still in there..." she looked at her a little more softly "You want to help people and found you went about it the wrong way, or the hard way...or maybe the right way that ended somehow wrong...well now you have all the time and the skill to try another way. Do not underestimate the skills you now possess, they do not have to be used for evil, for suffering...think about it..there is always choice" she looked up the slope "Alastair will unlikely understand why I did not leave you out there to burn is be wary of him still...but " she sighed "unless you hurt one I love, you need not fear me anymore Sveta" though she knew she would still be most wary of the new little vampire, she thought quietly to herself.

No comments:

Post a Comment