Monday, 12 March 2012

Inside Out

The air was quiet, still yet somehow curiously ominous. Inauspiscious yet amidst the rumblings of discontent since that tearing apart of the pack there was a caress of relief, almost an ironic light at the end of a long and despairing tunnel that she and Alastair had travelled, alone and yet together all at once.

It gripped Blaze almost instinctively as she woke in the early hours, found her senses enveloped it in the eerie calm that had descended upon her as the cool shadows rolled into the cave. Torchllights had burnt low until each quietly snuffed leaving whisper of smoke that trailed upwards in a soft swirl to escape amidst the upper cracks of stone and out into the night that descended over Nu'Kayem.

She lay there in the darkness a moment letting her eyes adjust to the purple hued gloom, unsure if it were just the twilight rolling in or the amethyst taint that lingered in the depths of her usual icy blue eyes. Beside her lay Alastair, his breathing deep, rumbling and familiar of his lycan form. Her pale fingers reached out and smoothed through his fur not to disturb him but just because she couldn't help herself. The scent of combined bloods hung around him swirling with his own, flairing that competative edge inside her. She wanted to open a wound of her own and cover that of all others, let their own entwine and have it bring them together, remind him whos was best, whoms he answered to, worshipped and coveted. But she stayed her desire curling gently close to him though from above would she would appear a coiled possessive beauty over her bloodstained beast, it had been hard and lifechanging day for them both and he needed his rest.

Sleep refused to claim her again, found more recently her noctural inclinations were ever stronger. Noises from above echoed in far off near the cave entrance, reaching her keen ears even from far away. Drawing herself from Alastair's sleeping embrace she drew dark furs over her bare shoulders, raven hair trailed up behind her as she slipped like a ghost from their chamber in the far top balcony of the den, up where the air was coolest and a fresh floral scented breeze drifted down from the Lunaira Fae caves above.

She made her way down to the entrance hall with barefooted silent steps and then wound her way up the steep inclined tunnel, passed through the stone doorway and up further out into the grass that provided a simple camoflage to their underground domain. The reason for the distruption of quiet became clear as she laid eyes upon a letter laying addressed with her name amidst a pile of burned pebbles she did not know the meaning of yet took one into her palm regardless. Her face tipped up to the sky where hung a partial moon that brought out the soft luminescence of her milky skin. In the hazy twilight sky she could just make out the retreating sillouette of Luna's pet. She plucked it from the grass and wandered up and down the subtle hills until she came to the small lake that nestled against the mountainside.

A cool breeze that hinted of autumn rippled over the waters as she drew to its edge. A swirl of leaves tumbled past her, some landing upon the surface and then drifting away like tiny rafts. Her bare feet paused as wild gaze drew over broken shards of glass. Like frozen tears they spilled over the stone glistening in the moonlight. She sighed slightly and chewed her lip having forgotten in the aftermath of her broken gift for Alastair.

Drawing the parchment up she unfurled it between her fingers and read it silently. Her eyes drifted over the words, those which spoke of disgust, disappointment and betrayal. Her expression remained blank, the accusations were a mixture of those perfectly fair and also hideously misinterpreted and misunderstood. But was hardly unusual for her to be misunderstood. If such a letter had been read to her weeks ago she might have reacted differently, felt a grief, a regret and an overwhelming need to make amends, take blame and apologise for what was at end of the day her nature. Only recently after much hardship and persistant pushing had she come to realise she could no longer keep up with the ongoing facade and detrimental lifestyle of trying to be something she wasn't. She was denying herself to feel complete.

'Chaotic Evil' Her eyes ran over the words not sure she agreed with them at all, she might be chaotic in fact certainly was yet she was not evil just capable of evil deeds to the outsiders perspective when she herself thought the cause just and true....was that so wrong? To take blame for others ignorance, hyprocracy and narrowmindedness? She didn't think so yet she found she no longer cared much, Alastair's infectious defiant and growing thick skin was starting to help her find her own harder shell. She was a complex creature and too long had she clung to her human inclinations...but they brought her more despair and ever less fulfillment. Her vampire mind was keen, sharp and cunning. Lycan taint brought her temper and strength she had seldom utilised. It was time to get into her element and change her mindset to survive.

She was so very tired of trying to live up to everyones expectations and failing. She wanted to be herself...her true self, unleash and allow that darker edge that lay at her foundation, one she'd shyed and run away from all her long life, stumbling that fine line between light and dark, ever trying to tip to the brighter side. But what good had it really done? So many betrayals littered her past, her mask of human goodness had slipped with every knock she took. She was bound to snap in the end.

Forcing away a flicker of sadness and regret she knelt down by the waters edge, let the letter flutter from her fingers. It landed upon the surface and she watched in detatched fascination as the inked lecturing and disappointment bled into the page in a burst of swollen ink. Smoothing her thumb over the stone in her hand she extended her arm and let it drop, landing upon centre of the page and instantly drowning Luna's words to the depths. She watched until the ripples stilled then turned on her heel and drifted back to the den gaze cast above her.

The stars glittered overhead so beautifully as if the dark void of sky provided them with the most flattering of frames. Their very essesnce, their power and their magnificence would be lost, almost insignificant without the darkness hand in hand. It drew a calming analogy for all her conflictions. It was time to embrace all her sides instead of living one nature at a time. She was tired of being the outcast, on the sidelines, on the outside looking in. It was time to start living from the inside out. She was strong deep down, Ambrea had no idea...but he did...he saw her for herself and loved her regardless. Finally he encouraged her as he broke free of his own self-restrictions, no longer was she afraid to repel him by her nature. Apart they had raw talents yet together they were so underestimated. They were a team that drew on their best and worst traits. She was his Eleni, his star. And stars shone best in the darkness.

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